you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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