Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Even my vagina gasped.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
