Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
