just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
