I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
