I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
