Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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