I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize