Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
