all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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