I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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