Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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