she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
