So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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