I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
