cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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