My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
