i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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