he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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