I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
