Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
