she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
