No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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