i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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