Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
