you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
