No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
