This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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