Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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