Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
