I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
