Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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