was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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