What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
