Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
