it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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