I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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