Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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