Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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