when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
