i think i have herpe
just one?
only if we run a train.
done.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize