ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
