I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
