you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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