capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
