He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
