ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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