Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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