i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
