you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
