I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
