we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
