i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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