i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
