I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
