Got a toothbrush?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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