This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
