I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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