So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
