So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
