Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
