They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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