My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
