I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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