Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize