He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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