Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
