Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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