We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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