We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
