I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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