So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Reggie can tackle my bush.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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