I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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