you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
