Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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