Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
