Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
