She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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